Something Worse Than Death

a poem of truth...

2004-12-13T11:58:00.000-05:00

i wish i never had that party...
i knew it would change us
if i would have canceled it
would we still be?
would our friendship,
which was supposed to be forever..
would it still be intact?
or maybe our friendship
was just an act
put on for all to see
i dont knwo what to believe
i love you with all my soul
but somewhere something is saying..
you jsut have to let go
let go of that person
that is your world
jsut leave them out there
in the freezing cold
someday they might come back to me
or maybe they have a completely different destiny...
but if you are still out there
if you still care
if there is still a spark
left from the blaze
help it grow
bring it back
to the extravagant beast it once was
that undefeatable being
that used to be you and me
well i found the weakness
and now i see
that when together
we were invincible
but once broken apart
we are absolutely shattered
from our once glorious past
and i guess
not even our friendship
was meant to last...

I dedicate this to a friend that i knew so well. but something went wrong. I hope that as you read this you stop and think. Who is that person to me? Who is that person that makes me complete? When you figure it out. Let me know. Hold on to that person. For they mean more to you than you know. Dont give up. Things get better than you know..

~Posting in utter dismay and fright,
broken

To Liz.....

2004-11-15T13:14:00.000-05:00

Friends come and they go
but friends like us are infinite

infinite- going on forever..... and ever... and ever

eternal friendship is what we have and nothing can break us

i love you always

i need to make my dv camera a webcam

2004-11-15T13:03:00.000-05:00

http://www.orangeware.com/endusers/buddylive.html

Eye candy

2004-11-13T08:39:00.000-05:00

-with love from me

2004-11-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

you dont even care...
i am not really there
not to you
i am not even alive
you could care less about me
lead me on
only to bash my heart into thousands
of tiny pieces

-with love from me

My obsession....

2004-11-11T21:37:00.000-05:00

you are my obsession
my infatuation
my dream
i see you when i sleep
and you are right next to me
by me side
here with me
but when i open my eyes
you cant see
how much you mean
to me....

You broke my heart again

2004-11-11T17:29:00.000-05:00

Can he see me?

2004-11-10T13:07:00.000-05:00

His writing makes me smile,
seeing him makes it worth while
i want to be near him
but does he even know how i feel?
Can he see how my heart thumps for him
the way he makes me feel so warm inside

I just want to hold him
but he cant see me
I just want to hold him
but he cant see me
I just want to hold him
but he cant see me
I just want to hold him
but he cant see me
but he cant see me

We talk every day
but i cant even say how he makes me feel
i cant form the words correctly
they just wont come out
i want to tell him
what this is all about
someday he will have feelings for me that are so true

I just want to kiss him
but he looks right through me
I just want to kiss him
but he looks right through me
I just want to kiss him
but he looks right through me
I just want to kiss him
but he looks right through me
but he looks right through me

Look at me
in my eyes
see that my feelings for him
are anything but lies
i just want to love him
and have him love me

Someday he will see me
when he looks right at me
Someday he will see me
when he looks right at me
Someday he will see me
when he looks right at me
Someday he will see me
when he looks right at me
when he looks right at me

Break me down

2004-11-10T13:01:00.000-05:00

Break me down
into little pieces
with your ice-cold stare
that goes right through me
without even stopping to see if i am all right
i just want to hug you
to feel your lips on my own
but do you even know?
no, you could not
you dont even see me
i just want to lay you down and hold you
cuddle up against you
feel your face as it rubs against mine
kiss me and tell me it is all right
cause, without you, i won't make it through the night

My heart beats like the sun burns

2004-11-10T08:43:00.000-05:00

My heart beats for you
like the sun burns
i see your face
and it all fades away
to touch your skin
carress your cheek
feeling your body against mine
it all fades away
i just want to be near you
to hear you
to be with you
stay with me
now and forever more

My rock, my savior, my analogy

2004-11-09T13:20:00.000-05:00

The moss on a rolling stone is barely there as i have always been
just surviving, hanging on, trying not to be pulverized
into a lifeless rotting mush
this rolling stone is what have kept me sane for all these years?
And someone today just threw the stone out of the window...
I wanted to snap, to lose control, I wanted to just go outta the door
As I was walking to the exit, of this lonely existance,
there you were, and you said
"Won't you miss it?"
"I DONT WANT TO DO THIS, Not Any more"
I yelled as i stormed out of the door
You ran after me, and held me close,
"Everything will be all right" you murmered in my ear
just dont go away, dont leave me again
i cant stand to live a fairytail, so be my prince and kiss me...

Time for a good song

2004-11-08T18:13:00.000-05:00

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

sing a song so lonely

2004-11-08T14:09:00.000-05:00

sing a song so lonely
we all wish we could die
just curl into a ball
and cry out our eyes
when someone saves us
we reluctantly say
would'nt it be nice if you were here everyday

when there is no darker color

2004-11-08T11:39:00.000-05:00

when there is no darker color
when you have nowhere else to turn
when everyone around you
just wants to see you burn

look for a helping hand
look for a friend
and in the end
make your own destiny

you control your future
you define your path
dont let anyone push you off
stay on, stay fast

when there is no darker color
look for a deeper shade of....

Cost of the war in iraq

2004-11-07T07:37:00.000-05:00

that is just ridiculious

Music now

2004-11-06T22:55:00.000-05:00

Video provided by KEKAI BOY

Another quiz....

2004-11-06T22:42:00.000-05:00

Emo Fuck.

The Emo Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

This is how it is now...

2004-11-05T13:11:00.000-05:00

Woohoohoo
Woohoohoo

Debbie just hit the wall
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husband's a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned twenty four
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan?

She was gonna be an actress
She was gonna be a star
She was gonna shake her ass
On the hood of Whitesnake’s car
Her yellow SUV is now the enemy
Looks at her average life
And nothing has been
Alright

Since Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that shes uncool
'Cause she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

Woohoohoo
(1985)
Woohoohoo

She’s seen all the classics
She knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink
Even St. Elmo's Fire
She rocked out to Wham!
Not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she'd get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran

Where's the mini-skirt made of snakeskin?
And who's the other guy that's singing in Van Halen?
When did reality become T.V.?
What ever happened to sitcoms, game shows?

(on the radio was)Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that shes uncool
'Cause she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

Woohoohoo

She hates time; make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock? (classic rock)
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop, stop, stop! (tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick)

And bring back Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that shes uncool
'Cause she's still preoccupied
With 1985

(Woohoohoo)

Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana (1985)
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV (1985) (Woohoohoo)
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that shes uncool (1985)
'Cause she's still preoccupied
With 19 19 1985

Empower me...

2004-11-01T10:51:00.000-05:00

Upon pain of death,

I vow to take my vengeance upon you
Upon Pain of heartbreak,

I vow to take my vengeance upon you

Upon pain of loneliness,

I VOW TO TAKE MY VENGEANCE UPON YOU

I COMMAND the powers that be

Empower me

Let me right the wrongs against me

Let me protect those who need me

Give me the strength to face any enemy

Give me the judgment to see the truth from every side

Empower me

I pray to the beings that watch over us

Empower me
I pray to the dead that were here before me
Empower me
I pray to the future generations so I may protect
EMPOWER ME!!!!!!!!

Bind Thyself

2004-10-31T12:50:00.000-05:00

Come ye as the charm is made!Queen of heaven, Queen of hell,Horned Hunter of the nightLend your power unto the spell,And work our will by magic rite!
By all the power of land and sea,By all the might of moon and sunI call the Earth to bind my spell.
Air to speed it well.Bright as Fire shall it glow.Deep as tide of Water flow.Count the elements fourfold,In the fifth the spell shall hold.

More quizzes again...

2004-10-31T08:29:00.000-05:00

Raw Energy- You can create raw energy from your
emotions, this enables you to be always on your
guard and inflict pain to those who threaten
you- be careful, for what may come as a surge
of power could diminish if the purpose was
solely for destruction

What Kind Of Power Could You Possess?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Bauhaus, the grandfather's of goth. You
probably don't call yourself a goth...but that
just makes you cooler. Nice boots, by the way
}:)

What Goth Band Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You have Silver Tears. You are a mysterious person
who cries but does not want to cause others
pain. Youlook at the world through eyes of a
wise one because you have seen so much. You
have wisdom and your tears fall out of pity for
others than pity for self. You are a caring
person that can always see the truth that is
lodged in anyone or anything.

What Color Are Your Tears?
brought to you by Quizilla

Completely....

2004-10-29T12:37:00.000-05:00

More quizzes

2004-10-29T12:20:00.000-05:00

you're a white rose.

what color rose are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your The Missing "A". You feel as though
you are always lost. cant seem to decide very
well. You have friends, or so you think. They
are always leaving you behind and never seem to
notice that you're gone

What rad Amazing Transparent Man thing are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The sky turned grey...

2004-10-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

What happened to the best matched couple?
Why did they break?
Will they ever return?
Was it meant to be?
How did it all happen?
When will we know these answers?
Who will fix this problem?
How could such a thing happen?
Neither or you deserve the problems you are having.

But hold on, this world holds more for you than you could ever imagine. There are unseen beauties that await you, feelings that you have yet to feel. Don't throw it all away. You are some of the most unique people that I have the privelage of knowing. Please return to your rightful place.
That is all I have to say and I hope I am heard before it is too late.

P.S. You belong.

You dont remember me...

2004-10-29T09:42:00.000-05:00

Does he even know who i am anymore?
Can he even see my face in a crowd like he used to?
Does he know how i feel about him?
Can he ever realize the intense love i hold in my heart for him?

No, he never knew me
No, he could never see me
No, he never will know how i feel about him
No, because he can't even see me

My Very Own.....

2004-10-28T12:09:00.000-05:00

Personal demons, they can eat you up alive, tear you apart, make you want to die..
this is the story of a young man and his own personal demons and how he deals with him,
does this story have a name, why yes, it does, it is called painful existance..
This young man has lived quietly since the day he was born, because nobody cares to hear him. And when heis finally heard it is too late, he is not here by the time they notice him, he has moved on.

Wanna play a game?

2004-10-26T17:54:00.000-05:00

Play a cool game in the making

Someone once said...

2004-10-26T09:39:00.000-05:00

Someone once said that to be a good writer you have to write what you know. I dont know exactly who that someone is but i completely agree with them.

I cannot describe the way that i feel,
i hope that you are being real,
Please dont lie to me
dont break my heart
because if you did
i would fall apart
be with me a little longer
make our love grow even stronger
i want to hold you
to see your face
look in my eyes and say...
I love you forever and a day

Storm Clouds Gathering

2004-10-25T12:07:00.000-05:00

Storm clouds may gather, but i will love you until the end of time..
Come what may, i will love you till my dieing day

I have this guy friend that lives kinda far away and i really like him but he lives in york pa and the only way I could see him in person is if one of us goes to visit, which is terribly inconvenient.

There is this black cloud gathering above my head,
ruining my polyester shirt,
making me miserable.
I just want to tear up this cloud of fear, angst, and pain.
Replace it with a cloud of hope, joy, and love.
To make all my pain go away, that would be quite a feat,
A near impossible task, Mission Impossible.

A faked romance, put on as a show
for the captivated audience
The crowd goes wild as you tear my heart out
I beg for it back but you have to keep it as a trophy...
A mémoire of your conquest over me..
well I am not to be conquered
I shall win over you
breaking my heart is something that you will not be doing again,
we are through at last

Why does my heart cry, feelings i cant hide,
your free to leave me but please dont decieve me,
And please believe me when I say, "I love you"

Quiz Time

2004-10-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

Hardline. you're almost an emo kid but you like
your music with a little more edge. just a
little more.

What awesome music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

And he walked right by...

2004-10-22T06:42:00.000-05:00

It is disappointing that he does not even see the kid with the purple hair. I just wanted to say hi and he does not even notice me. I feel like such a wallflower. I have purple hair so i am noticed and none of the people that i want to notice me see me at all. I walked by him and waved but he did not even look at me, he looked THROUGH me. I just want to be noticed. I needed to ask him about the cd's but he just walked right by.

Cardboard Box

2004-10-21T10:05:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about the construction at school when i walked by a cardboard box in the MCC.. Here is what i thought...
My life is like a cardboard box, very sturdy when grouped with others...
and oh so fragile on its own

I have come to the conclusion that i want to meet the guy that i haze been talking to most of yesterday evening because he seems very intereesting, the only problem is that he lives in York, Pa. I cant wait till the faerie festival so I can meet him!!
Anyways he is such a cute guy and he is very nice too!!! And he is drug free!! WAHOO!! i am feeling very over allen right now and i feel like driving to york, sleeping at my uncle's house and spending most my waking hours with this guy, his name is will by the way and i cant wait to get home to talk some more to him online...
He makes me smile

On another note, i will be making $200 tomorrow for my ADHD study in the city, I cant wait cause i need the money. Anyways i gotta go
-Charlie

My uncencored life

2004-10-20T10:26:00.000-05:00

I had this dream about joey last night, it was so surreal. I think my subconcious is telling me to go for him.. In this dream somebody was handing out aphrodisiacs and joey kept on getting them and giving me these looks.. So i finally figured i might as well try one, and i kept eating them and then i finally started to walk over to joey and his chair slid away... then after i gave up.. he walked over to me and we started talking. Then i woke up to A.F.I. playing Silver and Cold on my alarm clock.. I was so excited by the feeling of being near joey that i want right back to sleep. Back to the dream*
As i drifted back into dreamland, joey was standing there and he pulled me close and kissed me..!!!
Then i woke up at 6 am and had to get ready for school...
Well, here i am at school and i just found out that i have to retake my writing test for the PSSA's which is a bit upsetting. But i feel a bit better because I found out that if you did not recieve a score for a section of the test then you did not take it!! Which means i am not dumb, just absent. Anyways that ia sll i have to say for now..
~to any new readers, stay tuned for more love, angst, dreams, fears, etc...